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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2015|03:33 pm]
For Dreams Sake

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Not like me [Apr. 12th, 2015|03:41 pm]
For Dreams Sake

I was on a journey to head to summit work.  Everything on my way was different. I had companions, the highway was covered in cinder, a young naive girl was driving, my dogs were with me...

We got to a half way point and took a rest. But the place we were in, a sort of room with tables and chairs and games, started to feel too comfortable. A stranger brought out pics to share of me as a teen when I was in encampment. We started playing a dice game and I was losing. Then, to pout, I threw the dice down and started to take a drink.  Rita interrupted me and said, "Hey what are you trying to say with this?" The dice I threw had a very unique arrangement. I thought it strange, so I stared at it a while trying to understand if it meant anything. I looked up and behind her on the white board was the same symbol arrangement.  I knew something was wrong so I started looking around for more clues to discover what was going on.

I looked to my left and saw a breeze hit my friends face though there were no drafts. I felt the breeze inside me and felt something invisible grab my arm. I looked at my cup and decided someone was trying to drug me. I had a vision that the man in the other room who was getting sicker by the minute was infectious resembling a zombie.

Enough was enough.  I shot up and shouted that we needed to leave now! They were surprised and wanted to stay longer. I looked at them and could tell they were getting caught in the curse as well. I needed to be strong for them so I started ordering everyone around. I didn't want to leave anyone behind. I saw the keys to the car and without asking ripped them out of the drivers hands.  I had a feeling that if I asked for the keys she would not let me take them from her. Rita went to the door we'd leave from get her jacket.  The door began closing then slammed on its own. She was a little suprised and gave me an inquisitive look like she could tell something was up, finally. So she got focused too and started helping to rush people out.

The folks who were already at that place before we arrived started getting frantic and were pleading with us to stay. They then started getting rude. The young naive girl, the driver, began to argue with me. I grabbed her and told her this wasn't a discussion and get what she can so we can leave now with no delay or I was going to leave her behind. We had a stand off for a moment then decided to listen.

The old man came from the room groaning and reaching for me.  I shoved him away and ordered everyone to keep away from him. We were finally able to get to the door. I knew if we could get out the door it would be ok. We just couldn't let anyone else who belonged there to tag along.  Who knows where they originally came from or if they've been tainted.  I started to let the dogs out but Leeloo kept wanting to go back in and Darko I swore I saw leave twice and was going to leave a third time when I stopped to look closer. There was one Leeloo out with me and 2 Darkos.  I blocked the 3rd from coming out. Each dog had an injury on the opposite front foot.  I had to remember which dog was mine and which was the imposter or we would be bringing the demon with us on our escape. I didn't know what to do. I was very panicked and needed to get that door closed. But I would rather shoot my dog in the head, both dogs, then leave my dog inside that place and take the enemy, never to know for certain. I believed my love for him would tell me but they both looked at me with such sad eyes. I was ready to give the order to shoot one of them in the head when I started to reconsider once again with my bleeding heart. I woke up.
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Epidemic [Mar. 27th, 2015|03:49 pm]
For Dreams Sake

I was at work in a common room at a table with Harriet and Rita. I started having trouble focusing so I looked outside at the view. The things I was saying had strange inflection at the wrong times and I finally admitted I wasn't feeling well and couldn't concentrate. Then I looked outside at the view and it was fascinating! I prayed someone would agree so I didn't think I was completely nuts. They agreed it was beautiful but Harriet whispered in secret asking if I was drunk. I thought it best I shut up.

I started to day dream that I could zoom into the view with my eyes and see up close the cliff ledges and old cliff dwellings that had been remade since to display a museum of rustic cars and aero planes. I wanted to hike there. Then rita snapped me back to reality and asked if we should all carpool for lunch. I wasn't hungry but needed to go next door to a camp warehouse so I agreed to come. My eyes started getting very blurry and my right eye hurt.

After the drive there I looked in the mirror because something felt wrong. My right eye was swollen and rashed. My wrist felt hard to bend and it was also rashed. My right hand started numbing.

I knew this was bad and knew I couldn't safely drive so I told rita, "change of plans, I need you to take me to the hospital". She said she couldn't cause she had to get back to work. Going to work was the opposite direction and I knew I shouldn't drive my car, but at least I would be near it and have the option. But really priority 1 was get to the hospital.

We had passed an ambulance that was parked outside at the mini mall I considered asking for help but didn't want to pay the fees. I didn't even know if I had my wallet on me. Everything was so unclear. But I did know my friends obviously didn't have my back so in haste I needed to ditch them. I was trying to do it in some way that they wouldn't come after me of feel bad enough to make me come with them.

I tried very quickly to get all of my things from her car. I started to feel my left side swelling a little too. Rita almost hit someone's car parking and they yelled at her. It was a car that catered to the handicap so they were cursing and making a scene. I screamed back. This man who had extra and small legs in a wheel chair came up to me to try and shock me. I let him while I continued to pack until he got in my way so I looked at him, not even acknowledging his disfigurement and said, "listen dude, you're going to have to back off. I am in desperate need to get to the hospital because I am really sick and you're in my way". He realized then I was serious and he wasn't going to get a reaction out of me so he backed away and asked for a kiss goodbye.

By that point I was delirious. I couldn't barely tell if I had my stuff, kept dropping things, kept repeating steps, and my site was getting darker and worse and watery. My arm was starting to numb now and so were my feet.

I hopped on my roller blades at least and took off. No time to say where I was going or goodbye, I didn't know. I decided to visit the ambulance shack. When I got there the man wasn't dressed like EMT and was helping someone jump a car. His supplies also seemed low. I approached him and before I could even get across a full sentence he got on his radio and called me in. Then said, "you want to go down that way to the end. They have the medical services you need and are ready for you". He saw that I looked angry because I thought he was skirting his duties so he giggled and said, "this is why we are here. Don't worry, we are literally here for you. Now just follow that road to the end. You'll be fine".

I started to take off and saw rita, Harriet, Trev, and others all parking together ready to get help themselves. I guess the word finally got out that this thing was spreading. They waved and we're happy they finally understood and wanted to stick together but I wanted nothing to do with them.

I rolled on but kept getting distracted. At one point I went inside, looked at a coin in my pocket that was melting, and a key, and felt I needed a picture so I could document in case the government was going to try and cover this up and was really feeding us to quarantine to die and be forgotten. But I kept stumbling and couldn't find my phone or somewhere good to take the pic. A family with a kid came inside and I wondered if I was being selfish not getting to the place he directed me so more people don't get infected.

I just felt hopeless and sat waiting for help or someone to guide me. I wondered if it was really just one block but felt like miles because of the state I was in and my lack of focus. My right side of my face began to fall and lose muscle power. I wondered if I'd ever get it back. My left side started to turn numb as well. I just sat.
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the black boys and the white woman [Jan. 14th, 2015|08:50 am]
For Dreams Sake

I think I was a black kid, or friends with a little black girl. I lived in a normal world. But something happened that made me arrive in a new place. When I arrived, the land was covered in snow. I had never seen snow before, or the girl I was with hadn't. It was confusing as to who I actually was in the dream.

It was night, cold, on the outskirts of a forest, and I wasn't wearing the proper gear. A bunch of black children saw my arrival and started running towards me. All were wearing fur hooded coats. When the calmer ones got closer I could see they wore light brown leather gloves. I could tell there was a status arrangement here but wasn't sure yet if she decided it. It seemed to be most decided by who was the perfect combination of docile, mature, and had the smarts of common sense.

They argued for a bit and started to take me with them. The kids were mostly boys and a couple of them already knew what to do with me and were just going through the motions. A couple of the younger sillier kids were asking me where I came from and if was bright and happy there and what kind of toys we had. They said there was only one game in this place. And that was chess.

I was brought to a cafeteria where everyone gathered on what seemed their own accord and ate quietly at there tables. Conversation was limited. This didn't seem the place for self expression.

At a table next to me a boy about 13 years of age slammed his hand on the table and screamed, "no, I won't do it anymore!" His friends tried to calm him but finally the first site of authority came in. I thought they would calm him or take him, but they took their sticks and beat his head into the ground in front of everyone. All others got up and calmly walked away. A few watched. They were terribly afraid of getting anywhere near these guards. I was scared because I didn't know the rules yet or what would set them off. It seemed you couldn't make mistakes here. Your mistake is a final one. The kids blood drained on the floor and his brains spilled on the table and the guards left. The kids were the ones that came to clean him up and dispose of him. I wondered if there were microphones hidden everywhere. I definitely could see cameras everywhere and they were obvious.

There was a teenage white girl with me. Being white and female was rare there. She seemed quiet, new, and people didn't seem to pick on her. I now floated next to her often. We struck up conversation and though we wanted to talk about how we despised the place, the truth of our words was hidden in code. We developed a great code talk for how to share information. This was how I learned almost everything about the place. We became great friends.

I learned that there is this older white woman in charge of everything and that she has some big plan. She seemed to be very concerned about this chess game and breaking the players spirit. The boys were in abundance and were treated more poorly. It wasn't obvious these things, but we could tell over a long period of time. The chess game results were on a huge 3d table board that she obsessively watched, looking for the perfect combination of results. Was she trying to locate someone in particular there? Someone who had the right combination of intelligence?

This one day the girl, perhaps also I, had done something to anger the authority. As they were issuing the punishments we took the opportunity to run. No one had run in a long long time. No one could believe it. But we had studied the place and learned its weaknesses over a period of time, and if we could see the way out, we were going to take it. Our punishment would not have been death, though it would have been severe. We ran because it was the perfect combination of circumstances.

We squeezed through the vents and made it into the trees of the forest on the outside of a tall building. I got separated from the girl and found myself looking over the roofs of the trees with guards running up behind me. I dove into the trees and spread my arms so I could catch branches before reaching the bottom. I caught a few 25 feet from the ground. I saw a thin arrow being shot near my head so I knew I couldn't stay there long. I kept trying to climb around side to side knowing that the moment I hit the ground to run it would already be too late. Their defenses would be set up well on the ground and stories of other kids running there ended quickly. Every move I made there were red laser dots ahead of my or on me. This happened enough that I knew I was caught and knew they weren't killing me on purpose and were just requesting me to stay put. I had to stay put and it pissed me off.

The defenses on the ground were suppressed and the authority came out to scoop me up. The lady in charge asked that I be brought to her, I assumed for some kind of public display.

She was not angry, she was curious. The other girl was sitting there in the room too when I arrived and looked sad and defeated. She almost looked pissed she wasn't dead yet. I was happy we were still in this together.

The woman walked around her game and started describing the intricate details of it but not why it was important to her. All this set up was for this game. She admitted that she hadn't noticed us before, that we fit under her radar because we were not game players yet. That if we were, she surely would have seen this move coming and would have prevented it early, saving the trouble of us trying to escape in the first place. She was going to spare our lives and use us as a new experiment, to liven up the odds of the game. The girl didn't want to have anything to do with it, I was excited to not be immediately killed and to learn more about what was happening here.

Later in the dream there was an instance I heard the authority ask the woman for some advice on policy in regards to a male and female teenager who liked each other and were messing around. All she said was, "if you catch him using a comdom, kill the little bastard". She seemed to be very focused on numbers and particular behaviors being encouraged, but anything else just didn't matter. This saved me later in the dream when a strong boy tried to rape me. He put on a condom and so the authority came and shot his face off mid attack. I almost had a heart attack and couldn't clearly decide if this was yet another predicted act that she says she was preventing for some other reason when really it was to keep me in tact so I could follow through with her plans.
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tsunami watch [Dec. 16th, 2014|06:40 am]
For Dreams Sake

I dreamed last night about being in an old family house where my moms sisters and their kids were gonna come visit. Everyone was waiting for Grandma Ethel to show. She was aloof and self focused, as usual. Everyone was trying to be kind, as usual.

In another part of the dream I was helping my Aunt Linda prepare her grandson to look good for a wedding we were all about to attend. I was also trying to get dressed up, and failing.

In another part of the dream I came home, swam in from a boat with my backpack. Saw people surfing and decided to stay out in the water a while, maybe catch a wave somehow. I went under water and saw a lot of people under there in a panic state and holding on to rocks. I finally asked a girl on shore what was going on, why there were so many scattered people and why they were amped. She said a really big wave had come. I asked if it was a tidle wave but she never heard that word before. I said the word Tsunami and she looked at me in fear and didn't want to believe it. I looked around worried knowing that if that were the case, another would be coming. I didn't yell and warn people, only warned a few around me or if I knew them. I walked around the back of a cliff mound and rock climbed up. A guy ahead of me had the same idea. I wanted to stay to see if it was a tsunami and not just a killer surfing day and I wasn't sure these people could tell me. I started to feel afraid and short on time. I held on tight and looked and saw a massive wave coming. People started screaming. I was screaming now to warn them to run, but it was likely too late for them. Things on the beach we're getting washed out, all around started flooding with rapid water and then it started to rise. People were getting smashed into the rocks and losing the people that were with them, stuff and dirt was everywhere and getting torn apart. It rose close to me but started to recede. I didn't want to come down and go home or help. I just wanted to stay there and cry and not deal with it, and wanted not see the aftermath. The fact the strangers I had just spoke to were now likely gone bothered me quite a bit.
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damn him and his [Jul. 24th, 2014|10:40 am]
For Dreams Sake

Dreamed a bit of a nightmare about my old friend from High School.  He attacked me and kidnapped me.  He had a friend with him that liked knives, a lot.  He talked about how he spent two weeks sharpening them to perfection.  Prior to the kidnapping, news reports were popping up about missing girls being found sliced up.  I wasn't sure if my old friend was involved in it, but I knew Mr. Knives was.  Mr. Knives seemed to like me to be scared of him.  I wasn't sure what my old friend wanted with me in the end, but he was pissed.  And I was mad I didn't notice him following me leading up to the kidnapping.  He was really rough, threw me around a lot, threw me into his car.  We did a lot of driving.  We drove to the summit even.  They made me drive down.  Old friend went to look for supplies and left me with knives.  I was under the impression they wanted to make this a special killing, not just run of the mill.  I was worried that since I had history with him, he would make it personal and much harder on me.  I needed to find a way to get out, but they were taking me farther and farther away from town.

I don't remember the details in sequence.  I will just leave the dream as this.
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the elephant's power [Jul. 13th, 2014|08:30 pm]
For Dreams Sake


I had quite the disturbing dream last night.  I was a little transient in that I was staying in a building, with another family.  It was a similar vibe to a hostel but long term if you needed it.  I want to mention it was like couch surfing too.

Basically, no one seemed to own the home, and it had a lot of shipments and old furniture scattered about.  We slept on self made lofts and used borrowed blankets.  I sometimes shared meals and cleaning responsibilities with the family and the incoming short term strangers.

It was rumored that a tall man owned the property and would sometimes stop in to check on people and to make sure everyone was ok.  They said he was really generous and friendly.  I was determined to not ask him for any favors unless I was absolutely desperate and in need of medication or something.  Even then, there was something about this overly friendly rich man I didn't trust.  I would just him rather not be around, or I not be around when he stops by.  But since I had been there for so long, he would likely be curious to meet me.

I was making plans to leave within the month and head up north where I had some job prospects and some old friends waiting for me who would house me for a couple of weeks until I made enough income to feed myself and pay rent.  I heard some commotion and realized the owner of the property must be in.  I didn't want to run away or he might get suspicious that I was gone every time he came.  The last thing I could afford was to get kicked out in the winter, one month before I planned to take a bus out of there.

He started greeting everyone and finally got to me and shook my hand in a very gentle way with a smile.  I smiled back and tried to act as professional as I could, even though I was living off his land for free.  I didn't like being in a position of such need at the mercy of someone else whom I didn't know at all, especially now that we've officially met.  I owed him, it was true.  But I didn't sign any contracts either.  I would just wait to see what was going to happen.

He was polite, asked if I was enjoying myself there, if I needed anything.  That he would be available for the next couple of days if I thought of anything.  He even offered me some work.  But I had no interest in further indenturing myself on side work, nervously waiting for pay or wondering if what I was doing for him was illegal.

When he left, I cleaned up my area, making it ready to grab and go at any moment.  I cooked and ate dinner with the family that stayed there.  The others had left that afternoon to a new location.  It was just us again.  Something felt cold and strange though with them.  I wondered if they would be leaving soon.  I went to sleep in my bed.

I had been drugged.  In the middle of the night, the father had dragged my body onto a table and put my head inside of a metal box.  He slit the throat of his children and wife.  Then walked over to me and took a cement hammer and smashed it onto the metal container where my head resided sloppily 3 or 4 times.  He lazily dropped the weight, picked up a small bag he'd packed, and sulkingly walked off.  I sat from afar after the first hit, as if my soul had left my body, as if I had died in an instant.  I was glad I died so quickly.  I didn't understand why he had wanted to hurt me.  Why he disregarded his family.  He didn't seem happy to do so.  When the man crushed my skull, I heard it crack in a couple of places, and almost felt it, without the pain.  I tried to distance myself from my body so I didn't have to worry myself with the pain of it's life now that I had moved on.  But I was still here.  And I was watching.

When I woke up, I was groggy and my head hurt.  I was still on the table but had slid a little out of metal box.  I must have done this in my sleep, or maybe I had woken once before and only made it a few inches before passing out again.  I felt my head and felt the dried caked blood, but I couldn't find the cracks in my skull.  It felt like it was approaching the afternoon and the inside of the building was starting to warm a little.  The light hadn't yet fully come in through the cracks in the walls.

I got up to walk around, wondering if what I remembered had actually happened.  I didn't see the mans family lying there anymore, but I could see what looked like rippled blood stains in the would and cement floor.  I thought I saw a bundled up baby in a bloody sheet and when I moved closer to look at it I heard a noise so I ran to hide.  The tall man, strong but lean, had walked in and picked up the baby's corpse, its face already rotting and slinking with bugs, and started to bring it out the door to toss into a crate.  He turned suddenly and noticed the table I was on was empty.  I looked back in a panic for just a moment then smiled, like he knew I was still there and that it was a joke on him.  He put the baby in the cart and walked back inside calling for me.

I was scared shitless.  He seemed responsible for the murders.  I am not sure if he was, but he certainly didn't seem bothered by it, and had possibly disposed of the bodies so no one would find out.  What happened to the father of that family?  Was he working with him?  Did he let him escape?  I had a feeling he caught up to him.

I backed up into an empty crate on the ground which made a crashing noise and the man leaped forward and was nearly on top of me.  "There you are", with a smile and a long drawn out speech, as if he's speaking to a puppy.  I felt like a helpless puppy.  I was weak, and didn't have much to defend myself with that he didn't also have within reach.  I feared retaliation, but I feared dying without a fight more.  So I ran under a shelf and looked for supplies.  I found a small bullet and trigger.  I didn't know if it would do any good, but perhaps it would injure him enough or stun him so I could run.  He I got up and he rushed me, I tapped the trigger and the homemade bullet fired wildly.  The shell hit me just as hard as the bullet him him.  But he was only wearing a t-shirt so it ripped through and punctured his belly.  He looked down a little surprised at my creative thinking, but we both new it was useless without a barrel to focus the bullets energy.  He laughed and continued to walk towards me.  The last thing I saw before being pulled up was a drill and 2 extra long thick drill bits on the ground, likely meant for drilling cement.  I pawed at the drill but missed and grabbed the bits instead as he lifted me off the ground by my jean jacket.  He was very strong.  Monstrously strong.  His eyes were green and they reflected the light in the room, making him look like some sort of demon.  I hid my hand with the drill bits waiting for an opportune moment to use them.  I was off balance and he was holding me up.  He bent down to grab the drill he knew I was after and started walking me towards the wall with it pointed at me chest.

I was truly terrified at that point.  I thought, "What a terrible way to die.  It likely be a slow death.  I should have just died with the rest of them".  I figured he wanted to torture me because otherwise I'd be dead already.  My goal was to find any way out of this, even if it meant killing myself.  I wondered if that's what the families father did, in order to prevent the slow death this man seemed to want from me.  He kept yelling at me and he pushed me against the wall obviously fingering the trigger to torment me even further.  I just kept waiting for it to go off.  I was fed up with the games so I pushed his arm away with my for arm.  This seemed to make him laugh.  I was his animal and toying with me, making me resist him, was part of his game.  He held me closer which got the drill away from my chest.  He started to lift it back up to my neck and pushed hard.  I wondered if he would avoid the jugular on purpose.  I started to cry.  I banged on his chest and screamed to let me go.

He finally lost his grip for a moment and dropped the drill.  I took my hand out from behind my back and shoved the bit into his eye socket. It felt weird like the drill was working it's way around the eye ball and into his skull.  The man just stood there, still awake, like this wasn't bothering him one bit.  I only wanted to do as much damage as I had to to run away, but if this isn't phasing him, then I must do much more.  So I pushed the drill bit all the way in and twisted what I hoped was his brain.  He still awkwardly held on to me.  I stared at him in shock and he just laughed in my face.  "Is that all you've got, honey!  You're going to have to do a lot more then that".  So I grabbed the second much larger drill bit and took out his other eye, hoping that if he couldn't see me, I might have a chance, no matter how strong he was.

This made him scream frantically.  I don't think he expected my resistance to have such an effect on him.  I pushed him away and started to run to the door, tripping over all the wood planks and 2x4's on the floor.  I got to the door and saw him rushing behind me from the darkness, so I closed the door and held the handle tight.  I felt him pull one sharp pull.  When the door opened just a moment inwards, I thought I saw a green flash on the handle and was convinced I was done for.  But the handle of the door didn't pull again.  This time the entire door shattered in an explosion from the mans body.  I had never seen such a thing.  It was if he exploded from within in a rage and blew up the whole door instead of fidgeting with or pulling the knob.  What the hell is this guy?

I ran down the hallway but was convinced at this point I wouldn't get away.  I couldn't think of the safest door to go through.  The stronger one that leads into another warehouse?  Or the thin one that leads to the outside, a half mile from town?  I ran for the warehouse looking for the closest form of safety.  Maybe I'd be able to get a better perspective or be able to hide in the dark long enough for him to take a break so I can run.  I ran into the warehouse and locked the thick door behind me.  He would have keys but it might take him a while to find.  Especially being blind.  I got high up into the rafters before he finally got the door open.  A new calm was about him.  He was strolling casually and taunting me.  He walked and talked like a man with a confidence who knew he had everything he wanted, and that the world bowed down to him if not by request, then by demand.  He got what he wanted.  He knew where I was.  I couldn't hide, so I yelled out, "What do you want from me"?  He responded, "Oh!  Well, I want your life".  "So why haven't you just killed me yet, I know you can".  He said, "Now what would be the fun in that"?  My heart sank at hearing this.  He did want to draw this out.

I didn't want to make it easy on him, I wanted to make it easy on me.  So I agreed to let him coax me down.  When I got down one of his eyes had healed and the other was on it's way to healing.  I asked how, figuring I was allowed to start a conversation now that I surrendered.  He looked at me sharply and gripped hard on my arm.  I was sure it would bruise and wondered if it would leave finger marks.  "Wouldn't you like to know, you little dumpling".  I didn't like that word choice.  It really scared me.  I didn't know who he was or how long he'd been around.  I wondered if he was a cannibal.  He saw the fear in my eyes and smiled.  He told me we were going to a party.  Ok, one more day of living.  And I was hungry.

It was a casual barn party.  He only asked that I changed my shirt since I was covered in his blood.  He didn't bother with his, he just put on a jacket.  He seemed to be accustomed to being covered in blood.  I didn't know any of the people there, and he didn't seem to be interested in introducing me.  So I was free to scavenge the food display.  There were crackers and tarts and cheeses and even caviar.  I scooped up a tray and went just outside the door to eat.  I caught a glance from him just before I stepped outside.  He looked at me as if saying, "Don't go to far now. You know I will catch you".  I didn't want to give him any reason to punish me unless I thought I could truly escape for good.  So I stayed within range.  A sun bleached long haired flower child looking girl came outside and saw me and decided to start a chat.  I am never usually interested in chatting it up with self obsessed strangers at parties, but she seemed really friendly and it might be a while before I get to speak to anyone again.  So I stayed vague but friendly.  We laughed a little, until the man came outside to see what we were up to.  He knew the girl and they greeted each other happily.  He gave me a glance again wondering what we could have possibly been talking about since we didn't know each other.  He waited till she said my name, "Oh do you know Cat?".  "Yes, of course I know Cat, we are old friends.  I'm surprised you two don't know each other."  "I don't get out very much", I added.  He smiled in my direction approvingly.

"Yes, well, I'm trying to get her to be more social.  It's always good to have friends.  Perhaps I'll bring her around one of these days to one of David's events", he said.

"Oh to the gallery!  That would be wonderful!".

They seemed perfectly fine carrying on without me.  But I didn't want to be rude.

"How about it Catherine, it's Catherine, right?"  "Sure", I said.

Catherine, these kinds of people love to sound formal.  The man found a polite way to send her off and back into the party so that we would be alone.  I suddenly didn't want to be alone with him and had an urge to rush back inside after her, even though the fake socializing wasn't much better.  I turned around the corner to head back into the kitchen but he grabbed me and pushed me against the wall.  My immediate instinct was to shove him and run but he grabbed my arms and pinned them to the wall as well.  I just stood there defeated, wishing he'd get it over with.  "Seems you've made a friend", he said.  "I was under the impression you weren't the kind to make friends so easily".

"It's always good to have friends", I repeated back to him, wondering if my comment would make even the slightest suggestion that I might be missed if I go missing, which I knew wasn't true.  Since I had moved to that area, I hadn't been in much contact with my family and friends.  It was once every 3 months between phone calls or letters and I didn't keep them that close.  They didn't know exactly where I was because I didn't want to worry them.  I was residing on the hope that everyone would get better once I moved back.  It would take them a long time to know I'd gone missing.

"Well, I think it's time we head back.  Don't you".  I didn't say anything.  I was scared what that meant.  I sunk again, but clinging to my bitter happiness that my last meal was at least a good one.  He walked me back to the property and pushed me inside.  He locked me in and left.  I knew I could find a way out, but I decided to snoop around inside instead.  I am not getting anywhere unless I kill him.  That is the only way.

I found the table I was laying on the first time I died and noticed a container was underneath it.  It had very thick walls on all sides but one side was cracked open, probably from him slamming me into it earlier.  I pulled back some of the wooden planks and thought I saw movement inside.  I was afraid he was storing some kind of wolf or wild animal that was going to lash out the second it was free.  But if that were the case, I feel like I would have heard it by now banging around or begging to be fed.  I kept pulling the pieces of wall aside until I saw it.  It was the head of an elephant.  Not only that, but a living baby elephant.  It was swinging its head back and forth and looked at me with groggy eyes.  It wasn't violent, it was sweet.  I coaxed it outside and avoided its heavy feet.  It had trouble walking for a little bit, then seemed fine.  What the hell was it doing in a shipping crate?  How did it survive not being cared for.  It was some special animal.  It seemed smart, but sad.  I decided this was what the man was hiding.  That perhaps this animal was the source of his power.  That maybe this animal was what had healed me.  I asked the elephant if it understood me and it groaned.  I asked if it was what had helped me live.  It swung it's head around in a dance.  I thanked it.  I asked if this man was imprisoning it and the the elephant shrieked in a cry.

I decided the best way to get back at him was to free it.  So that's what I did.  I found my way out, like I knew I could.  And knew that he would have to choose between me or the animal.  That if he really wanted that animal, he couldn't come after me.  And if he wanted me dead, he would risk losing this magical wild animal.  I grossly misunderstood the situation.

When I led the elephant outside, it was temporarily blinded by the light of the sun.  I didn't know how long it had been locked up.  It didn't run right away, I had to try and guide it.  A large truck showed up and a bunch of men with guns hopped out.  They said they were taking the animal.  They knew about it and had wanted it a while for testing and tried to shove me out of the way.  The blond tall man showed back up in complete shock that his prize was outside and that I seemed to have made it happen.  He screamed at the men and said they'll never get the animal.  At the sound of the mans voice, the elephant screamed.  A green mist seemed to come from it's mouth and it's eyes squinted and it looked like it was ready to bolt was backing up.  Everyone covered their ears in pain and when they looked back up, had their guns ready to shoot.  I screamed "No!", not sure if what I had done was end this animal's life.  I didn't know what to do.  The man looked at me with frustration and anger and walked over to the men's truck and lifted it and tossed it.  I was in so much shock I didn't know what to do.  They started firing on him and he started taking the bullets in his chest and screaming with rage at them.  The elephant screamed again and ran to the back wall.  Everyone paused for a moment and split their priorities.  I was trying not to get shot, or get my ears blasted out, or trampled.  I had just released a commodity onto the world and now all the greedy mother fuckers that wanted it were fighting in the streets over it.  And the animal would likely not come out of this alive.  I wondered if it was the right decision.  If maybe this animal should have stayed locked up with this evil man where it wouldn't be harmed and would stay in hibernation until one day when it could safely be freed.  Or if when this man ran out of things to torture, he would turn on it and it would suffer worse then it will today.

I didn't know what was going to happen, but at least it had a chance out here in the battle to make choices for itself.  Like me, it could run.  Or fight.  Or give in.  Or scream.  Or die.  With neither decision being any certain way to freedom or success.  I wanted to run away.  I wanted to climb the walls.  I wanted to get out of there.  I was still figuring out what to do when I woke up.

EDIT:  I figured I would try to explain what I think was happening here.  I think the father of family had found out that the man was going to torture and kill us.  And that running would do no good.  We were all the longest tenants of the place, and he knew our fate had to do with something that was in the box.  So, him killing his family, and me, was a mercy killing.  In my opinion, the elephant radiates power.  She had been giving it to this bad man for so long.  I believe he had been with her for so long the effects were starting to show in his eyes.  When we were killed and bled out, we bled out the power she had given us which was still quite minor, enough that we never got sick.  But, when I died and bled on top of her.  She chose to focus her power and save my life.  This meant the man could no longer just kill me, or the power she gave me would be lost.  He obsessed over this power and didn't fully know how it worked.  He had to figure out another way to end me that would preserve the power given to me that might forever be lost if I were to just die.  He knew that to bring someone back to life must have taken a lot of the animals power and he wasn't willing to lose it.  That is why he couldn't kill me right away anymore, even though he wanted to.  I think he had been living a long time.  The elephant looked quite young and smooth skinned, but I believe she was quite old too.  And I think she didn't like the fact that he kept her for himself.  She was happy to share her power with someone else when given the chance.  In other news, the reason why I could hold the door shut, was the green mist of her power coming through me.  Once the man saw it, he knew I had officially absorbed her power and he would have to break the door instead of opening it to get through.  He knew how powerful the power could be once it manifested itself into a green glow.  He was so strong because he had been absorbing her power for so long.  I was only in the beginning phases of the possible gifts she had to give.

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my house, mine [May. 9th, 2014|06:17 pm]
For Dreams Sake

I had nightmares last night.  I dreamed that my downstairs tenants had an old roommate Nick staying over for a couple of nights at the house.  When I came back from my summit shift, he had torn apart my grass and planted a diagonal plant bed across the lawn.  He had chopped down my absolute favorite tree that was in the center of the yard.  And he had torn up the designs around the edge of the house to make way for something else.  I got so mad at him I started screaming.  But he was so pompous he wouldn't even look at me or give me the time to listen to my complaint.  I was worried I couldn't make him stop.  I was so upset about the tree he cut down, while I was at home even, that I started to cry and scream.  I wanted to shake him.  I chased him inside to see how much he had made himself at home and reminded him that he doesn't live here.  That the downstairs tenants didn't ask for permission to have him stay there.  That he has to leave and not touch one more thing.  He didn't care about a thing I was saying.  I prepared to fight him.  He was surprised but put up his fists.  I got in a few good punches and knocked his screws loose.  I felt bad that he couldn't defend himself so as he fell I grabbed his wrists to help him fall into the chair.  I started, more calmly, to plan what to do next.  To contact the tenants who are out of town.  To gather this mans things and get them ready for him to leave.  To be ready to call the police for trespassing if he doesn't comply.  If he really wanted to cause further trouble, he could have.  But he decided it was best to go.  I was worried he would come back, or that my tenants would be mad that I was too mean.
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The Fish [Oct. 2nd, 2013|03:21 pm]
For Dreams Sake

Mid September, 2013
I had a dream.

One morning during heavy rains I thought I noticed a fish in my yard out front. It was flopping around in the darkness of dawn and storm, in my grass. I wasn't sure why it was there but decided to ignore it. Maybe someone had just gone fishing and it fell out of their bucket while walking home. Maybe it fell from the sky, not likely.

A couple of weeks later I had some people over and it was dark outside and raining again. I thought I saw the fish outside. This was confusing because the other fish would have died by now. Come to think of it, I hadn't noticed a dead fish in the yard. My dog might have eaten it. I did notice a small hole in the ground though. I just assumed my dog dug it. I should cover that up later. Anyways, I walked out to find the fish but by the time I got there it was gone. Maybe I lost it in a puddle.

A couple of days later it was just before noon and still wet outside with morning dew. I had some people over for a casual brunch. I looked outside and pondered the hole in the grass. The edges of the dirt hole were starting to dry up and flake. I went outside to meander and saw the fish laying there. Its scales were large and had a purplish black tone to them. It looked quite alive still and seemed to be focusing on something in the dirt.

I asked it, "Hey, didn't I see you here the other day?" It turned and looked with black eyes, surprised at me for noticing it. It said, "Yes, I hope you don't mind." I did mind actually. But how could I tell a talking fish that I didn't want it in my yard. Where would it go and how would it get there safely? The whole thing seemed ridiculous. If the fish could talk, I should let it stay.

I told the fish, "No, I don't mind if you stay here. But please don't cause any trouble, and don't dig any more holes". "Just one is fine", it assured me. So, I left to go inside. I had some friends to tend to.

After a few more gatherings I started opening up to chat with my friends about this fish. They asked me about it curiously and gave me advice. One of my guy friends wanted to meet it. I nervously agreed. So we waited for a drizzly day and I invited him over to scope the yard for the fish. Just as expected, it had appeared. My friend seemed quite curious and began to ask her questions. After a while of listening intently to their little interview, a little annoyed with him being so okay with her presence, I went inside for a break. When I came back out they were still talking 30 minutes later, laughing even. I expressed politely that he better leave since he had mentioned earlier he had somewhere to be later that day. He asked if he could come back. I couldn't figure out why he'd want to but I said he was welcome to come back any time if the fish didn't mind. She didn't mind. The whole thing seemed suspicious to me.

The next time I noticed the fish, it was a little bigger. I had thought I saw it one night come out of the hole and stand up with black thin legs! I ran to my house to get a camera to get a picture of it. When I aimed my camera at her she was standing up, turned, just barely looking back at me over her shoulder with her tail poised. It was so dark and wet out I had to carefully position my camera to get the shot just right. My camera malfunctioned. She started to slither back down and into the hole where I could no longer find her in the dark. I got a flashlight but she was already gone. I tried again to get the picture a couple of days later when others were hanging out outside and chatting in the daylight. I thought perhaps if we seemed distracted she would feel comfortable enough to stand up again. She would not budge. Later, I tried grabbing my cell phone camera as a back up but it also could not capture an image that was in focus.

I started to doubt that I saw its legs at all and consulted my guy friend on the matter. He didn't seem surprised. He seemed very impressed with this fish and knew there was a lot she wasn't telling us. Where this made me worry, it made him excited. He came over and went back out to the yard to find her and speak with her. He pulled up a chair and waited. She appeared as if she knew he was coming. They began a full on conversation. I went about my business in the house, glad that he had found interest in her. When I looked out after a while I didn't see him there, but I didn't think much of it. The next time I saw him he was wondering back to my sliding glass door, hair rustled, and looking dazed. When I asked him what happened he said he wasn't sure but that he needed to rest. "Where is the fish?", I asked. He didn't seem to want to talk much so I brought him home without asking further.

Things went back to normal for a few months. I brought up the fish once in a while in conversation, mostly about how strange it was and wondering why it wanted to live in my yard. People didn't seem as interested anymore or willing to give advice. They thought I should just ignore it if it wasn't causing trouble. My thoughts were more severe. How dare it speak! Why is it here, bothering me? Why was my friend fascinated with it? What did it do to him that one day? I began to obsess. I began to get angry. So angry that I decided I need to confront the fish and force it to give me answers. I wasn't even sure what I wanted to ask it, but enough was enough. And why couldn't I get that damn picture of her. I only want one! Just one!

I waited for the right moment and stomped out into my yard to look for the fish. The hole was quite big now. I saw the fish, the size of a torso now, curled up in the pit with a human looking baby. What! "Who's baby is this?!" I shouted. "What are you doing with a baby! In my yard!?". I was furious but I wasn't entirely sure why. Other than the baby laying there with it, what had the fish done? The fish curled up and stood up to stand looking at me face to face with its big black eyes. It said, "Stay calm J-, there is a lot going on here that you don't understand". With this I fell asleep and fell onto the grass beneath me.

When I woke up I was in a square concrete looking room with a small bright window near the ceiling. The baby was there but was now a small child. The fish wasn't there but instead was a tall woman wearing a tight black dress, with long purplish black hair, and those same deep black eyes. She offered me a chair once I stood up from the ground but I preferred to stand. I barely yet had my balance but was feeling quite accusing and wanted to keep some defiance. If I could muster a pointing finger and a shout I would be happy.

She sighed heavily and went to comfort her child. It made sense now. This child was hers. The time she spent with my friend was for her. She was lonely. She was the only one of her kind. I started to scream, "You did something to my friend, didn't you". "He consented", she replied. "He wanted to help me. I'm all alone and I don't fit in with your kind. I now have someone like me to spend my days with. I meant you or him no harm."

I felt empathy for her but I was still mad. I couldn't let it go. She let go of her guilty appearance and started to walk towards me. I almost fell back to escape her reach but she held my head in such a kind, nurturing, compassionate way. She looked me in the eyes and said, "J-, you must let this go". I shook my head and started to back away, still barely able to stand. I started to cry and lash out. "Why are you in my yard! What do you want from me!?" "You have to go!"

"I will leave you if that is what you want. But first… you want something from me. Just ask for it." I was ashamed. How did she know this. I didn't even want to admit it to myself. I was desperate and irrational.

I spurted it out selfishly, "I want a picture of you. A very particular picture, and I can't seem to get it."
"Why do you think that is?", she asked.
"I don't know! I tried and tried. Can you please just let me get this picture of you. I won't bother you again if I get it." I lied.
"You can't have this picture", she said.

What? I was baffled. Why not? It's just a stupid picture!
She continued, "Don't you think that perhaps there is a reason why you haven't been able to get your picture?". I didn't think she would be able to prevent it, that she would be able to mess with my equipment in this way. I wanted to break down and cry. I felt exposed and vulnerable in my need. I felt that if I could just get this picture and hang it up on the wall to always remember her in that way, that everything would be fine. I could let it go. But she wouldn't let me have it.

"What I can do, is paint you a picture. That is what you may take with you." I didn't want a painting. I wanted proof, proof of what I saw that one day, that perfect beautiful image. I fell to the ground and started to weep. She held my head again and looked me in the eyes as I sobbed. She said, "You have to let this go J-. You have to let it go." I looked up at her and knew she was right. But it was so hard. I couldn't think clearly enough to figure out what I was so worked up about. I was obsessed and wanted to pout like a little kid for not getting something I wanted so badly. But why did I want it? I wasn't sure why it was so important. I had lost the reason somewhere along the way. I didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to gossip or look for drama that's isn't there in the empty explanations from my friends. I didn't want to be so sad anymore or anxious or angry.

So I looked up at her, and I made a decision to let it go. It came from deep down inside, the release of my pain and anguish. The missing variable I had been obsessively searching for, for nearly a year, was no longer there. It was no longer reaching out to me and laughing at me for not being able to grasp it. I was free.

I stood up and looked again at her child who had aged again to look about 12 years old. The fish, still appearing as a woman, smiled at me and stood back still holding my hands. She turned around and went to work on my painting. I was very grateful she was doing this for me. After what seemed like days, though it was just one afternoon, she finished and handed the painting to me still wet. She asked, "Will this do?" It was beautiful. It was an amazing gift and I was so happy that I didn't consider it a lousy replacement for the picture I had previously desired from her. I would keep it forever. It would hang on the wall of the living room and be a story to tell my children and grandchildren. I kissed her goodbye, said good bye to her child, and was guided back into the daylight of my yard. I told her that my home is her home and she could stay as long as she wanted. She was happy to hear this.

I still don't know why she wants to live in my yard. She seems terribly wise and kind, and is no longer lonely. There is nothing wrong with that.
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The man [Aug. 16th, 2013|12:55 am]
For Dreams Sake

I dreamed I was in a world where once it got dark it would be dark for a very long time. Many people were struggling to get to a secret portal that would take you to another world before this one became dark and vulnerable to monsters.

The portal wasnt going to stay open long, so my friend and I snuck through the cities and trees in search for it. Through rumors, I found out where it was. My friend and I had to trespass to get to it. It was located in a forbidden old industrial area where a very tall, proportionally sized, man protected the land.

We silently crawled across the dirty dark cement until we found what looked like a square man-hole with a ladder reaching down into an orange white, lit, swirling circle.

I was afraid to go inside the portal so I told my friend to go first. She jumped right through without hesitation. The tall man noticed us from a distance and started to run towards us, screaming at us, trying to stop us. I put one foot in, then my second. As soon as I was in ankle deep it started to suck me in. I held on to the last rung of the ladder because I didn't trust where I was going. When I got to the other side it was a large open atmosphere of orange colored plasma. There was no where I could see to land but I felt gravity pulling me down. My friend held on to my foot and screamed for help. I was afraid this place was purgatory trick, so I started climbing back up to get out. I was able to get back out of the portal but just as my foot passed the threshold, the portal closed. My friend was lost.

I looked up and noticed I was back in the first world, only brown dust covered the surfaces and the color of the atmosphere was more brown than blue. I started to run away when the tall man noticed me. I had heard that time spent in the other world might be at a different pace than here. But in what direction was the lag and by how much, I didn't know.

The tall man looked at me surprised then said in surprise, "I remember you... You're staying right here." He grabbed my arm and I lost consciousness.

When I woke up I was sitting Indian style. I looked down to notice that I seemed to be working on something and was mid thought but didn't know what about. I noticed I was a little thinner and had tattoos all over my legs and arms. I wondered who would tattoo me while I slept and how could I have not woken up during the process. I kind of liked the way the designs looked, but they weren't coherently attached to anything and weren't easy to understand. They looked like the beginnings of a story. The man walked over to me. As soon as he looked close at me I got up to run away. He reached forward to touch my shoulder for just a moment, seemingly worried. I lost consciousness again.

When I woke up I was surrounded by busy people. I was assigning them tasks. I now had tattoos on my chest and belly and neck and they all seemed to be connected, transforming as they stretched across my body. It was faded ink so it seemed it had been there a while. My skin was tougher and I was accustomed to the cold. I wasn't sure what to tell these people so I told them to take a break and I'd be back in 5. I found the tall man who was now much older, hunching, with a long white beard, and tired. I walked up to him and he looked like he was happy to greet me. He was about to tell me something when he noticed my confusion. I lost consciousness again after I noticed a look of impatience on his face.

When I came back I had a feeling my job was done and I could leave. I asked all the new young people around if they new who the tall old man was or where he might be. It took a long time before they could figure out who I meant. They didnt know what became of him, but were pretty sure he finally died of old age, 60 years prior. I was confused again. It seems I could live a very long time.

The man was gone so I decided I could leave without hassle. I went to the nearby forest and started walking.

I didnt have much on me but was convinced I could survive just fine. I wasn't sure why I felt this way because I didn't know how I was going to do it yet or what kind of forest this was I was in.

Later after waking up and sleeping again I ran into some zombie like creatures coming out of the forest. I barely escaped. I didnt know who to warn or if these creatures were common. I felt I wanted to help but that I no longer was responsible to. I had everything I needed to survive, and now so did they.
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the overseer [Jul. 5th, 2013|08:23 pm]
For Dreams Sake

i dreamed about a woman in red. she was elevated from everyone else. and scanning people. she wasn't arrogant. but definitely had authority over decision making. she was very contemplative. very observant. it made me nervous that she knew things about me that even i didn't know. or caught me doing things i might be ashamed of.
she was an older woman. like age 45 or so. not super thin like the lady from BSG. but she did kind of remind me of the australian cylon character
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troubled waters [Jun. 23rd, 2013|06:56 pm]
For Dreams Sake

Strange dream last night. From some of the images I'm remembering syncronized dancing, ballet to be specific. I was learning some basic moves and was ok at them.

I remember Alex. In the dream he was in some kind of trouble with a new tech group. They might better be defined by words like gang, or cult. They were a corporation that had a lot of new technology they were implimenting into society very slowly. A lot of their tech they were still developing by experimenting on humans and kept it fairly secret.

I infultrated the group by always being around when I had intel that they were testing on people. I did everything I could to act like I was with them when they did this by sitting nearby and acting apathetic as well as looking away when they activated the devices. I always had a mini tablet with me and acted like I was taking notes but really I had been filming them. It was very important I didn't get caught with what I had before I edited it and released it to the public. These people were very clever. I designed a program that when I'm filming, it appears to look like a video game. That way I can take notes but make it look like I'm battling japanese androids in the game.

This one night I got word they'd be at a bar. When I showed up I saw Alex looking mighty fine and hanging out at a table of chicks in this bar. They were all over him cause he was being shmarmy and dancing well with them. That's when the group surrounded them, made the girls leave, and took him away. He just accepted his fate. He had done terrible things to their company and knew too much. But wasn't smart enough to get away with it. I wanted to help him, even though he bugs me, but I couldn't or my cover would be blown. Who knows, maybe I could even use his help later if they don't kill him.

A lot of the company's tech had to do with brainwashing. It was implimented into every day stuff like cell phones, tablets, video game headsets. They had their viruses in a lot of things already that we currently use. They just had to be activated.

I finally met enough people to be accepted as one of the group, though the leaders still questioned my presence. They couldn't understand where I came from since my name wasn't on any lists. I had a false name. They would eventually find me out. But for now I was getting way too much information. I even got invited to large testing events where they infected many people at once in public, or one or two people in a small holding facility. I think what helped is I acted apethetic towards their victims.

Finally near the end of the dream, I was pretty sure I needed to get out soon to release the information. I had at least secured it offline and told someone to find it and immediately release it if I disappeared. I realized I should have set up a better safety.

They invited me to one more event. But as I was led in, things didn't seem right. This time it was approaching from a dark alley, and those whom were friendly to me before were not there. I continued to walk towards the door but decided to leave before entering. It was too late, however. They were watching for me to arrive and surrounded me. It was mostly the leaders and only one of my "friends" who felt terrible about what was happening. I still thought I could use her in my favor later no matter what happened.

They guided me into the building and sat me down. They told me that they discovered my real name and asked why I used a fake one. I tried to tell them I was an enthusiest and just wanted to be a part of their program. This made them smile so I couldn't tell if they bought it or knew the truth and were egging me along.

They said if I truely wanted to be a member I had to go through a process that all members have to go through. When I asked what it was for they said it was to insure their secrets don't get out. I looked at my "friend" and she seemed to agree with this. I was convinced it was some sort of brainwashing device but what was I going to do? I agreed to do it. I mean, if I didn't, they would have given it to me anyways, or something worse. They commented on my nervousness. I still wasn't sure they believed me, but doing this might make them more willing to trust me… that is, if it really is brainwashing. Not because they believe my original intention for being there.

They put the thing on my head but before turning it on showed me a picture of my family. They said that if I was lying and crossed them, they would test their worst tech out on them. This scared me but I tried to stay focused. I was now getting way deeper into this then I thought I would. And it would be much more complicated to get out. After they ran the procedure, I wasn't sure I could get out anymore anyways. It was worth it. I was trying to save the world.

I think I woke up soon after but I'm pretty sure I don't remember what happened with the device. Only that when they gave me a task I was a lot more willing to do it. Even if it hurt people, I never questioned its necessity. I was in. Now how to infect the current members from the inside out? I decided I needed to work on the ultimate virus program. I needed to do this without them knowing.
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Death and Trouble; racist bastards! [Jun. 21st, 2013|08:02 pm]
For Dreams Sake

I feel a little teary eyed now that I'm sitting down to actually write this. Whew.

3 sisters were my friends in my dream (I don't actually know them). They were light skinned black girls and good friends of mine from years back. Ages about 22,15, and 11. I hadn't seen them in a while and we decided to go on a trip to a new town. They got the idea to rent a cabin for a fun filled weekend. A new acquaintance they had only recently met suggested the location.

When we got there we waited in the main part of the town with our luggage for their new friend to arrive. I couldn't wait to find the place and get settled in. A group of people approached us and asked what we were doing there. They seemed friendly enough so we answered that we were waiting for a friend and asked if they knew her. They all looked up at each other and smiled chuckling. I knew something was wrong.

They grabbed our luggage. The older sister started following them and pleading with them to give back the luggage. I grabbed her arm and yelled that we needed to go fast and asked her for the keys to the car. She was so distracted she barely noticed my request then said the keys were in her bag. One of the boys who had her bag searched it, pulled the keys out, and said, "you mean, these keys?". I knew we were in deep shit. I looked around for bystanders but the others in the town didn't seem to mind what was happening. I lunged at the guy with the keys and that's when things got really bad.

I got hit over the head by his friend nearby and then grabbed from behind. The sisters were grabbed too and were being dragged to a nearby shed. We were completely outnumbered. It seemed like the entire town was rallying now shouting things like, "get the ropes!" and "where's the shovel?" "I got it!", shouted a young girl.

They held me down on my knees as I watched them pick up the younger two girls to wrap a rope around their neck as they screamed and cried and tried to fight back. The men placed them on the ground around a picnic table under the shed until they got the ropes secure with a simple loop knot like they were dogs. I heard my other friend to my right being punched and pushed against a pillar. In the excitement someone took a tool chest and pulled it down on her. She fell into a ditch with the heavy tool chest on top of her legs and pelvis. She was screaming. Since she was stuck in place they left her.

One of the kids grabbed the hose and turned on the water but the other end was near the ditch my friend was in. It was filling with water fast and she was coughing and trying to get up for air. Ahead of me the two girls were being lifted up onto the bench with one or two people holding their shoulders down as another held the rope around their necks up and tight. I think they planned on water boarding them.

Did they want information out of them? Did they lure them here on purpose? Was their new acquaintance's name a code word? Since they weren't doing it to me I assumed it was racism fueling this. I heard screaming from my right and saw one of the kids desperately trying to dig out the water that was now drowning my friend. She pulled the hose out and was using her hands or the shovel to get the water out of the ditch since she couldn't lift the chest off her legs. I started screaming, "help her!". A few others came over to help her get my friend out but it was too late. The kid apologized and said she tried to hurry but the girl just drowned too fast. They just patted her shoulder and said, "it's ok. We'll get the body out later".

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "The body"? As if she's not even human, a girl, or my friend! The kid was more worried about getting in trouble than just having killed someone.

They let me go for a second to focus on the other two on the table and I ran to my friend. I couldn't lift the chest off either. Her head was submerged 1.5 inches under water. Her skin had turned grey. Her eyes were wide open and panicked. And her head was tilted to the side like she was frozen, muscles straining for air. It was haunting to see. I had to remind myself it was no longer her just to deal with it. I started to sob over her not knowing what to do next.

Someone came over to me and told me to forget about it, it was too late to save her, then laughed it off like it was no big deal anyways and that I shouldn't be so upset. I wanted to kill this person. I might have tried but two guys came over and grabbed my arms to pull me up. My shoulders hurt from all the rough handling. My knees hurt from resting bare on the gravely dirt. My temple hurt from being hit. Nothing could be compared to what the other girls were going through. They were taking me to another location where they would continue with whatever they were going to do to my friends. I wondered if they would kill me for being a witness or if they would try to convert me to their way of thinking.

I was so baffled and hurt I couldn't think of anything to do next. I felt helpless. Whenever I caught a glimpse of the other two I just assumed they would suffer and then be killed. They were being dragged every which way, spat at, yelled at, insulted. They were in a whirl wind. They could not have been prepared for this. They were sweet girls who lived a simple happy life. I couldn't imagine what they were feeling or if they had noticed their older sister was already dead. Maybe it was better she died quickly. I couldn't let myself think that. What if we can still get out? But, there was nothing I could do for them. Everything I yelled wasn't heard or it was laughed at.
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are they zombies? [Apr. 25th, 2013|10:11 am]
For Dreams Sake

ok I'm going to be as honest as I can with this one.

I was in a very large building that doubled as a mall and a courthouse, as well as had sections that were used as a hotel. I was running through the building, trying not to get lost, on my way to court. All I had to do was show up and the others were going to lose. I popped in and listened to them start the procedures. I realized the only other thing I had to bring was my ID and I had forgotten it. I figured they would be a while so I ran back home to get it. When I got back the court room was empty and I had no idea if anyone even saw me show up. I didn't know if I was supposed to report in. I was possibly completely screwed.

I began to walk around moping through the mall trying to figure out my next move. I decided I wanted to pick up a few items so I started running again. Throughout my running adventures I kept passing this other man that used the location as a track for his marathon training. Passed him at least five times. Even started making eye contact. I ran into some friends who tried to introduce me to someone I didn't know. The man was acting kind of strangely and had a loss of balance. He also couldn't talk much and if you got too close he would grab at you. It didn't feel like he was trying to only rebalance himself. They said they were worried about him. I suggested bringing him to a hospital because he wasn't normally like that and may have been poisoned and to not get too close. I left.

Continued running for my errands. Started to notice more than one person with a loss of balance as I made my rounds. Then I started seeing many of them surrounding one or two folks who weren't sure what to do about it. Others started feeling uncomfortable and were moving away or running back to their cars. I began to understand that something was changing in the scenery. Was it an epidemic? I looked ahead and saw the marathon runner still running in his same path right toward me. His eyeballs were whitish. I moved to the side expecting him to pass me as he always does. Instead he turned at the last second and ran right into me grabbing my shoulders. I almost had the wind knocked out of me he was so strong. I was really surprised. I fought until he knocked me down not sure what he was attempting to do. I had a chance to get away in the confusion of falling to the ground. When I got up he grabbed at my leg and I noticed everyone around me was running or screaming, being attacked, or attacking others in some kind of crazy manic confused state. I pulled my leg back and started running through the crowed using whatever football menouvers I could remember. My loose sweatshirt was grabbed so I ripped it off and continued to run.

I needed to get the hell out of there and far fast. I was on my way home for supplies and to notify the authorities of what I've seen. It might already be too late. I was worried I might be infected already and would be carrying out the desease with me so I needed to take the most empty route through the woods.

On the way out of the building my old boyfriend found me and grabbed me. He was a jerk, always had been, and took the opportunity to give me a hard time. He started pushing me around even though I was warning him we had to get out of here. He insisted I wasn't going anywhere and pushed me on to the ground starting to rip off my pants. I started screaming "no" because not only did I not have time for this but was sick of being abused by him. We weren't together anymore. He began position me so I couldn't easily fight him and started to rape me. His friend appeared and started joking with him in casual conversation while he was doing this. I was emberassed and tried to weasel out of it by saying, "ok, this is enough" as if his only intention was to bring me down a notch. He looked at me and got so mad he rose his hand to hit me. I squinted and tried to cover my face, getting flashbacks of when we were a couple. His friend stopped him (I still can't tell if it was to protect me) by saying, "haha, the girl giving you trouble again man?". He stopped mid swing and looked up and laughed saying, "yeah" and continued to rape me till he was done.

I got up and tried to dress to continue running away but he kept asking why I was in such a hurry and that I should stick around a while. I tried to argue that I needed to leave without getting him mad. I tried to explain their eyes and yelled, "haven't you seen it yet?" He started to get angry with my yelling at him. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next until I saw the zombie horde break through the doors. They saw my ex and his friend and started limping towards them. They were so surprised I'm not sure they would have ran in time, but I certainly did. My ex tried to stop me but got taken down but a wild man with whitish eyes. I barely got out of there. I don't know if I ended up getting caught or not before waking up.
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My guardian [Dec. 10th, 2012|03:32 pm]
For Dreams Sake

This dream began when I was a young girl about the age of 4. I lived with a bunch of renegades in the middle of a prairie that had a small stream running through it. To me, our life was amazing and fun. There was a man I considered my father who looked after me and made sure I was fed and put me to bed in the tents every night. When I woke up he was ready to keep me entertained with games and adventures. He left every day with all the men from the camp to go hunting. He seemed to be well respected and one of the boys but had little interest in their politics. Of course I didn't understand all that at the age of 4. I just remember him looking unhappy during all the planning and paperwork on the large tables before coming to play with me. He had dirty blond wavy hair cut short and his facial hair was always scruffy and tan. He wore nice beige leather gear and a reddish vest giving me the impression he belonged to some other tribe, not this one.

One day while we were traveling by horse there was a fight. Our caravan had been ambushed. Swords were clanking everywhere. The men I grew used to seeing joke and laugh and drink were being slain and were falling to the ground screaming. There was a lot of yelling and it was over fairly quick. I was confused and trying to back into the high grasses when someone grabbed me from behind. I started kicking and screaming but the person holding me was gentle. He covered my eyes and pulled me into the bush away from the fighting. He tried to make me focus on him by telling me stories about a better place, that I was going to be ok very soon and would be taken care of. I was taken away and the yelling and clanking began to fade away. I never saw those people again.

I was taken to a large castle courtyard and then inside a medium sized hall where I was placed into the arms of a woman and a tall man standing next to her. She held me tight and cradled me while she cried. I couldn't figure out who these people were or why this was supposed to be better than where I was. I missed my dad.

After a few days they tried to explain that these were my real parents. I didn't understand but just figured these were my new parents and I had to do what they said. They put me in classes and had servants dress me up. They fed me well and tried to play with me when they had the time. They even gave me play mates my own age. They were all very nice, but this wasn't my home. After a few years I finally settled in and accepted that this is where I would stay.

I wasn't often allowed to go outside the castle walls. I only had 1 or 2 close girlfriends that stayed with me into my teenage years. I became very skilled at sewing and like to build things with my hands, figurines and such, when no one was looking. I was fairly happy and while growing into womanhood was easily accepted into adult conversations. It seemed they wanted to ease me into court and kingdom politics. My mother was getting quite old and didn't travel the halls as often as she used to. I began to become a lot more independent. There was talk that I would be married to someone soon, within the next year or two. Possibly to a prince from a nearby province. Someone who was also still quite young and needed to be linked through marriage soon to secure some kind of family alliance. I had never met him. It all seemed so surreal.

This one day while I went to take a nap in my bed chambers, one of my dad's companions came into the room. All of my doors were open, and he was often sent to give me messages or to summon me for gatherings or meetings. He had been a family friend for at least 7 years and usually wore black velvet with gold ribbon lining. His hair was dark, surprisingly a little scruffy today like it had just been rustled. He had a smile on his face as he came to my bed side. I was prepared to tell him that I needed some time to rest and that whatever he needs I will attend in a couple of hours. I hoped whatever he had to say wasn't important. He said greeted me and came to my bed side. He looked strange and I wondered where my doorman had gone. I hid under my covers confused as to why he was so close. That's when he put his knee on the bed and then his other knee over me and crouched on top of me. I was very confused. Is this some kind of game? He reached his hands down and tried to pull off my bottoms under my dress. I started to scream and fight but he put his giant dirty hand over my mouth. He put all his weight on to my arms and shoulders while he focused on pulling away the bed covers and getting my dress out of the way and himself out. That's when he started to laugh.

I realized by that time what he planned to do so I fought but my arms were tiny. Every time he took his hand off my face I tried to scream but my voice was weak from struggling. If I got out a scream it was just for a moment. He was telling me to stop fighting and that it wouldn't take long. I couldn't understand why my father's long time friend would be doing this to me. Did he just want to shame me? Did it have something to do from when I was a kid? That memory was from so long ago I don't even know what happened and I had always been afraid to ask. This was the only home I knew. I wondered why these things always have to eventually happen and why I can't just be happy. I then guessed it was because of who I was and that nothing would ever be simple. People better start telling me more or I'm always going to be stuck playing the victim.

My arms were now bruised. He ripped off my bottoms, now in a hurry, and was almost inside when I heard shouting outside. The door, partly closed now, banged in. He was still trying to get in when they knocked him off the bed and started to beat his head on the ground. I couldn't see it. He was still sort of laughing while being kicked and hit. I was embarrassed and terrified and shamed. I still didn't feel safe as they pulled him out the door. They threw one of their men at me to hold me and comfort me till they could find one of my friends or servants. I could hear them yelling to go get my father. When he came and tried to comfort me, my servants had already arrived so he kept his distance and tried to hold back his anger while in front of me. He left and again tried to keep information from me by yelling at his comrades in the hall.

I overheard something like, "How could he have fooled us for so long." "He was a spy from the ___ province." "But he has been with us for years, what was he trying to do?" "He was trying to poison your blood line".

I think the man's goal was to infiltrate our family to eventually get to me. Once talk began about me being married soon, he tried to impregnate me with his family line so that when I was married, or if the prince would still marry me, my first and oldest child would always be from his family line. They could use this years later against my family when they decided to make a move for power. Even if it wasn't his child, there would always be doubt in the kingdom. I was their only child and I was female. If the other family took over, they would already have their heir grown and ready to lead their family into higher power. He failed and revealed his plan in the process.

A couple of weeks later I was sitting at a bench in the sunlight contemplating all the new stresses I had just been introduced to. I was having to grow up soon so I could hope to defend myself. I would have to be careful who I trust from here on out. Anyone could be a spy if this man was for 7 whole years.

This older man walked up with a big smile on his face and sat down across from me. I wondered if I should let him and looked around for anyone to disapprove but they were all busy with their own activities. I figured, out in the open a few moments speaking with this man wouldn't be a problem. I nervously looked at him and he leaned in to talk. I thought for a moment, "Oh no, not again. Not another creep". But he spoke kindly and always smiled. Commented on the silly people around us engaged in silly activities, so focused on what they consider to be important. He sympathized with me as if he knew what I just went through. Only certain people knew. He grabbed my hand. I wanted to pull back out of shock but he held my hand soft and lifted it off the table. He kissed my hand and said, "I should have stayed with you to protect you. You obviously need it. These people aren't doing a good enough job. I'm sorry I left you. I should never be forgiven." That was the first time he didn't smile but instead looked down sad.

He looked familiar then. He reminded me of someone I knew when I was young but couldn't quite place it. He finally gave me a hint and I then knew that he was the guy that helped raise me from a baby until I was taken from him. He told me that this was my true family, and that the men he was with had kidnapped me as a baby and tried to use me for ransom. At the time he didn't agree with what he was charged to do during the kidnapping but had certain loyalties at the time and couldn't ignore them. At the least he wanted to protect me because I was innocent, used as a pawn. When my real father's men came for me he escaped. He had checked on me once in a while but never came to talk to me for shame. He hoped I would forgive him and accept him in my life. All I wanted to do was hug him. He was my father, not by blood, but the only one who really cared about me. I missed him. I wondered if I grabbed him to hug him he would get in trouble. I didn't know if he was still on the run, or had changed alliances long ago. How did he get into the courtyard? I had many questions for him but let him know I still loved him and didn't want him to leave. This made him overwhelmingly happy.

He was indeed allowed to be there and was on a small mission allowing him to pass through. When he saw me he couldn't bare not to say hello, especially after hearing what happened. He wouldn't be able to stay long but would always come back to stay when he could. I couldn't let outsiders know who he was or what he had been involved with years ago. My parents knew him, trusted him, and allowed him to look after me. Everyone was on edge due to the knew information released of the plan to infiltrate the family. I saw him as my guardian. I loved him and felt complete when he was around.
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I killed someone [Nov. 30th, 2012|03:46 pm]
For Dreams Sake

Well, what was I supposed to do? A friend of mine grabbed me and pulled me to go check something out down the road. He was really excited but would tell me about what. He then started crouching down along side a rock wall while looking down the hill down the street. There was lot of commotion near the bottom of the street. I assumed it was a police stop because there were cop cars and people scattered. That's when I heard the gun fire. I hid and got a better look. There was a man with a large gun on a killing spree at the bottom of the hill and my stupid friend brought me to watch. "Bullets can travel this far too you know!" Freaking idiot. I had no plans to die that day so I hid behind my friend knowing he might slow down a bullet where the dirt we're hiding behind won't. I saw the man point the gun up the hill to start picking off folks that were standing in the road. As soon as he hesitated I got up and left my friend to run into a car port off the side of the road. I decided to hide under all the debris. After doing so I worried that this might not be the best idea. If he's in no hurry when he reaches the car port he won't think twice of shooting indiscriminately into the pile. I peeked an opening so I could see if he decides to do this I might have a chance of getting out in time. He finally did come to the car port and poked at me and said he knew I was in there. "Get out!" He shouted. I got out and he just smiled at me. He went to point his gun and I hit it out of the way. He was surprised and it made him laugh. So he handed me the gun and told me to shoot a guy that was nearby. I nervously held the gun up wavering it acting like I wasn't sure how to shoot it or aim it properly. He knew I was stalling and told me to shoot the guy or he was going to make my death a long painful one instead of short and sweet. I took a quick step to the right and pointed the gun at him. I thought to shoot but hesitated for just a moment. Then realize there's no time for waiting around. I shot the gun. A small hook device flew out of it attached to a string and it fizzled out to his left side. He just laughed and pulled the gun out of my hands and walked me to a tool shed. He decided to stay put a while and use me as a hostage since the police were getting closer. He sat me down and told me not to move while he reloaded all his weapons. He turned his head away from me and I quickly looked for any weapon I could find to grab. There was an ice axe on the wall just behind him. It was better than a hammer. I needed something that would end him with no chance of coming back. I ran up and grabbed the ice axe and aimed it at his head sharp end down. I hesitated again not sure I wanted to do this. But reminded myself I want to live and now is the time. I hit him as hard as I could in the head. It slipped and hit his shoulder but made him falter. I hit again and missed and punched a hole in his back. Before he could turn around and fight I swung one more time making sure to take good aim and the axe went through his skull. The guy didn't move after that and blood was starting to pool. I grabbed the closest phone I could find to call 911. There were all these prompts instead of just a person. I grabbed the guys cell phone out of his pocket and called 911 again and got a telephone company liaison who helped me inform the police that the guy was dead and not to shoot me if I come out.
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party on the side of the road [Sep. 10th, 2012|08:40 pm]
For Dreams Sake

i was an elementary school teacher. and someone kept asking me why i don't have kids. and i was like, why the heck would i have my own. i have to deal with them every day at school and then they leave! if i had my own theyd have to come home with me!
then i went walking around town, it was a big town and i lived in an apartment nearby. someone had told me that i can stand on the side of the road later in the day and stop people as if i was a cop and hassle them for fun. so i tried it. i stood there and waved down some people in a big van. when i looked in the van they had open whiskey bottles and looked at me worried that i'd get them in trouble. i said, pull over, over here in the grass. so they did. and i said "where were you headed". they said "a party". i said, "party is here... let's have some fun. so they pulled out the side of their van an overhang and got out some chairs and tables and we all started drinking and having a blast.
then after i had a few, i went back to the road and pulled over another girl on a moped who was a little stoned. I recognized her. i kept trying to stop her and hassle her but she looked all sad and pissed. so i said, "hey, looks like you had a bad night, you should join our party. it's right over here." she was baffled. parked her moped and joined the party. then i called my roommate and some other friend who came to the mile marker i gave and they brought beers and bbq. but by the time they got there the party got so big that real cops came to break it up. couldn't figure out why we were having a party on the side of the road. i ran away when the cops came though. couldn't risk anyone turning me in. then i was left bored again with no one to hang out with.
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youtube [Aug. 24th, 2012|11:41 am]
For Dreams Sake

I had a dream last night that I owned this quite large amazing house with lots of neat side rooms and cool looking couches and half level lofts, and big windows, and tv room, and curtains... anyways. It was such a large house and I had so many people living there that I didn't even know who they all were. There was enough space that people easily did their own thing, sometimes dominating an entire section of the house and considering me rude if I wanted to sit in on their activities if I wasn't already friends with them. One group of my tenants friends started talking about the house and how it was a bad place to live because there are so many drugs running through it. He didn't realize I owned the house and chose all the tenants. But it worried me that this might be going on without me knowing it. I had just gotten a new tenant in the house and was showing her around. She acted like she was very close to me, didn't care about nudity, and slept on the same couch or bed I was in... wherever we happened to pass out. I had only just met her though and it confused me that we weren't yet friends and still behaved this way.
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Death and Beyond [May. 12th, 2012|02:21 am]
For Dreams Sake

I remembered this dream the moment I woke up and was really worried that it was real. I actually froze and tried to think of everything I'd recently done to confirm it wasn't real. I forgot it for most the day, then just remembered the details again.

In my dream I had died but I didn't know it yet. I was still going through the motions and talking to people. This man I didn't recognize walked up to me, reached out his hand, and asked me to come with him... that he would take me home. I didn't know what he was talking about. It thought it was a joke. But then I suddenly felt strange. I felt like I was splitting from myself and my feet didn't have a firm grip to the ground anymore. I looked around me and started thinking back to the last time someone spoke back to me or the last time I picked something up. He tried to tell me that I had been dead for a while now and he has come to help me go to the other side.

I was terrified. At first I had the urge to turn and run away from him. I was really scared that what he was saying was true. And who was he anyways? He wasn't someone I knew or thought I knew. He told me there were people I knew waiting for me and that I would see them when I cross over.

I didn't want to go with him. I wanted to stay. I had to make sure everything here was ok here. Who cares about that other place. He tried to explain that my concerns in this world aren't important anymore and that I'll never be able to let go and make the full transition if I stay. I wont be able to understand until I separate myself for a while but that I can visit later, once I've stopped focusing so much on the physical world and moved on.

I knew he was right. But the physical world was the only world I knew. And I didn't know this man. Now that I think back, it's as if I never saw him face to face before but he was always around watching out for me like some sort of guardian. Because there was something about him that was familiar. I wondered why he came to get me and not someone I knew I could trust like a family member or a friend.

I feel like I had died suddenly from some sort of impact. It was so fast I didn't realize I was no longer alive. I ended up taking his hand, but I woke up before we went anywhere. I was still nervous to go with him but I was worried that if I stayed I might not have help when I AM ready.
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the fish [Dec. 28th, 2011|05:17 am]
For Dreams Sake

I took a short break from work and went into the common room to rest. I fell asleep and quickly dreamed that I was sitting on a square pillar above ocean water near a dock. I was fishing. I didn't really know what I was doing but had a couple of poles and just through them in and waiting. Almost no time went by before I began to catch stuff. My first fish was like 4 or 5 feet long. I was baffled and excited! I've never caught anything like that! It was like an Ahi. I must have been in a great area. I just bought a house near here so it made me happy I could do this more often. I ended up catching three and grabbed my dog to go sit in the yard and filet them. Then I jerked awake and realized I was still at work. It had only been 10 minutes. woah.
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